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Sky Ride Studios presents...

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Oblivion Girl, Episode 1 Smile, Goddess of Death

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My name's Essa, but you can call me Oblivion Girl Rumour has it that I'm responsible for destroying entire cities Surprisingly, a rumour I quite enjoyed

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Have you ever experienced being awake for so many days that your brain feels like mush? Well, I have I was on the run for three action-packed non-stop days My body yearned to crawl into bed and sleep for a week I just had to make it home first Exhausted, I dragged my feet down a seemingly deserted street

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The sizzling summer sun had drained all the energy out of my body My used and abused black leather boots scraped against the asphalt Shoelaces whipping at my shins Apparently, my attire caught the attention of the opposite sex As if I gave a damn My skirt and black wife beater contrasted well against my pink pigtails Black eyeliner lined my face like war paint I treasured the idea that I looked fierce before kicking the heads off anyone who just happened to piss me off But of all my lovely accessories, the tattooed angel wings on my back took the cake People always asked Oh, so you think you're some kind of angel?

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Wrong, Einstein I was death reincarnated And each of my feathers represented a life I'd taken There were so many, in fact, that I had to stop adding to them before they ran past my ankles(...) Although I can talk the talk Walking the walk was a whole other task itself My petite frame and lack of bulging muscles didn't necessarily send men running for their lives(...) But I always gave them the opportunity

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As luck would have it, I just had to pass by the only house with a bunch of good-for-nothing morons Who had nothing better to do than ogle at women Their greasy faces and stained teeth matched their body odor I wanted to hose them down like a turd on my boot With my peripherals, I noticed the grim plastered on their fat, stupid faces as I passed by

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Fuck them Men are only useful to cash in for bounties Hey, your shoes untied I knew they were untied, they were always untied(...) So what?

(...)

Well, aren't you gonna bend over and tie them?

Their eyes were so tightly locked on my legs that I'd need pepper spray just to get them to blink A light wind blew down the street and shook my skirt Parverts!

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There was no time to waste on these pigs I had a bed calling my name with soft cloud-like pillows waiting to whisk me away into lucid bliss

You know, there's more than one way to get you to bend over

Fine, if they wanted to risk their lives over a sleep-deprived hottie, let the games begin How about I make you lick them?

I don't think that's gonna happen, girly

(...)

Cute men and their toys You think those are any match for what I got? Behold!

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I crossed my arms as if grabbing pistols in holsters and whipped out my fingers in the shape of guns These bad boys will fuck you up I focused on Mr. Showoff, the ringleader, and aimed my index finger at his forehead I then put my thumb down as if I'd pulled the trigger

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Boom

What the fuck?

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Ha ha ha The fucking idiots had no idea what was in store for them

Huh, girly, looks like you're shooting blanks

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You should have seen the look on his face before it exploded all over his friends(...) Come on, assholes, who wants some? Man, kill this bitch

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The horny men didn't stand a chance Once the smoke-filled streets cleared, it didn't take a genius to see I was the winner Happy in my victory, I turned to walk away As one of the wounded men raised his gun and pointed it straight at my head

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Thanks, Atticus

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Atticus lay across the rooftop, sweat dripping down his forehead onto a tightly gripped sniper rifle He hated it when I did things like that Don't let his glasses and calm demeanor fool you, even though he looked like a bookworm Atticus was the most cold-blooded killer I'd ever encountered Except for myself, obviously

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(Guitar Music)

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The city drifted from day to night Streetlights flickered on, and the air turned cold and crisp I was having that dream again(...) Free-falling down towards the earth, I felt the cold air cut through my clothes and chill my body I swung my arms wildly in the air, trying to grab hold of something,(...) anything

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My eyes shut tight as I passed through the cool mist of a cloud I slowly opened my eyes to see the city lights illuminate the surface of the dark earth below me I was high in the air, above the stratosphere My pink teddy bear onesie pajamas flapped uncontrollably against the wind

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I extended my ligaments to try to slow my descent I closed my eyes as I, yet again, cut through another cloud Nothing better than cold damp clothes stuck to your body

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I emerged through the other side of the cloud and opened my eyes(...) Looking behind me at what should have been the sky, I saw an outline of another planet(...) That's when I noticed I wasn't falling towards earth I was flying up towards the stars(...) I ascended past the atmosphere and glided into the darkness of space The higher I got, the more the stars shone in multiple radiant colors Captivated, a smell crept into my nostrils(...) French toast?

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Why did space smell so delicious?

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I woke only to find myself sprawled out on my bed

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In the same free-falling pose as in my dream

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I loved sleep, but food would always be number one in my heart(...) Atticus was great at a lot of things, but never as my chef He loved to cook, and even after all the failed attempts in the past I was curious to see if I could get a decent meal out of him

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That's, uh, time to get up

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Morning

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Morning, breakfast is ready, here you go

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Um,

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thanks(...) I didn't touch it, I remembered last time

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I didn't add veggies to the batter this time

I lifted a piece and carefully inspected the underside

And they're not burned, either

Uh-huh He was determined to get it right, even if it killed me, and with the ingredients he used, they probably would

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Um, where's the syrup?

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The syrup is, um...

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No, there's no way he'd forgotten the key ingredient

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Butter's worth

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Looks like we're eating out again

Hey, we could have still eaten those

Not anymore, I'll go get dressed

Ah, yes, uh, if we would throw away the plates Damn

it

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Eating at restaurants meant I always got to order my favorite food Which is always a wonderful way to start the day That was so good(...) Those strawberries were so juicy

Yes, you're like a child And always order the same thing no matter where we go Strawberry pancakes with whipped cream

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I just wish you'd let me finish my meal before getting us kicked out

It's not my fault that perverted waiter kept trying to hit on me

I only got to take two bites

I only broke his arm in two places this time

Let's just go see Kyle I'm sure he'll have some food for me

Now that's the best idea you've had all day Atticus and I had known Kyle for only six months But he was the balance in our lives we so desperately needed Plus, he gave me presents each time I visited How can you not like a guy who always gives you presents?

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What do you mean no presents? You always have presents

Oh, watch out You've pissed her off now Kyle

A little help here

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No

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That was it, time to unleash the beast I turned back to Kyle and shoved my threatening fist in his face You got a death wish or something, little man? On the other side of the desk sat Kyle A 15 year old, furzy-haired kid tinkering with a half-fixed

computer I don't have your present because it's sitting over there next to Atticus Huh? Me?

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There, waiting just for me was a beautiful, vintage gas mask

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No!

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My apple!

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Oh, what is it? It's a World War II gas mask Its purpose was to protect the user from harmful chemicals in the air I also have some unused tear gas canisters in the drawer near the window You're welcome to take them all if you want

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How did you get these?

Their payment for a job I did The client said they were valuable, but when I got them appraised they weren't worth more than the metal used to make them So I kept them, opened a credit card in his name, and transferred over the balance he owed(...) Naturally, I split the cash into smaller amounts and held it in Overseas Dummy Corporation The client named someone else entirely, and here we are Brilliant Were you expecting anything less? I'm not expecting anything less

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So I take it since you both are here. You need another job? Yeah, the last one was too easy Too easy? You left it incomplete I

told you, the guy wasn't a bank robber, he was just a

mime Well, things have slowed down here. You know, holidays and all

But it's summer

So, being in the holiday spirit, I do have one you both can sink your teeth into

Personally, I couldn't care less about the business talk I left that to Carl in Atticus to battle over Just point me in the direction of who to kill The rest was a waste of time

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So, what's the job?

A bounty hunter group. 15 of them

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Six days ago, they took a delivery job

A delivery job? For bounty hunters? That's unusual

That's what sparked my curiosity to begin with Today, they're less than a day away from their drop-off point

Doesn't give us a lot of time

That's why our contractor agreed to let us use any means necessary

How far is the drop zone?

Not sure. Let's take a look at the map

(...)

Two cities east. A small town called the Valley of God, tucked away into a mountainside

Atticus used his impeccable photographic memory to analyze potential exits Personally, I didn't need to memorize shit. I created exits Along with reasons why we needed them

The target's a small, black leather box with silver writing

I just hope they have weapons because they'll need them Kyle and Atticus turned around to see me wearing my gas mask Two canister holsters strapped across my chest and tear gas in each hand I looked like one crazy, badass motherfucker I knew today was a good day

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Greetings, everyone. It's Esa from Oblivion Girl I just wanted to let you know about our Patreon Where you can get instant access to ad-free episodes Binge the whole season right now and get automatically entered To win a secret limited edition Oblivion Girl giveaway Support us today at patreon.com slash Skyride Studios And now, back to the show

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The Lush City was a picturesque location for retirement Not the type of place you'd expect to run into smugglers I took in a lung full of fresh air and almost gagged It was awful For decades, the military made it illegal to own a car As if they'd ever contribute anything useful

Can't you be a little more discreet? We're trying to blend in Remember?

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The gas mask resting on my head and the canisters draped around my chest weren't exactly subtle To put it bluntly, people were staring No way! It's intimidating

It's embarrassing

Well, deal with it, because I ain't taking them off

You don't even know if those things work

I'm sorry, are you trying to get on my bad side?

Let's just find this place so he can...

Hey, you!

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Crap!

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Behind us did an old man in a dirty flannel t-shirt Flannel? Really? In this heat? He had one of those beards that was all white except around the mouth Where food had stained it yellow A real Casanova What do you want, old man?

Not you, him! Me? Yeah!

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What the hell do you think you're doing letting your daughter go outside dressed like a freak?

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I was unaware this guy had some sort of death wish What the hell? I'm not his daughter, you old fart How old do you think I am?

Oh, I don't know

Twelve, maybe

Twelve? Who said that? Atticus placed his hand on my shoulder In a half-assed attempt to hold me back from killing all of them

Nah, he looks way older than that Maybe thirty?

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Thirty? I looked up at Atticus with unrefined hatred in my eyes Let go Atticus slowly lifted his hand off my shoulder like unleashing a dog

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Idiots! I don't know if I'll be able to walk again A smile

Um, sorry(...) Did you have to beat up everyone? Yes Including the women My leg!

It wasn't my fault she got in my way I wasn't even aiming for her After that warm-up, I could practically taste victory Those bounty hunters had better pack some heavy firepower Because if they don't... Aaaah! That hurt!

(...)

What's the name of that hotel we're looking for?

The Volga

Volga?

Yeah, it's one of the longest rivers in

Europe Europe?

(...)

Never mind

Involved, neon-red letters read "Volga" across a fancy-looking hotel Is that it?

(...)

Huh? Oh yeah, I forgot you can't read I mean, yeah, that's the place

Well then, let's get a room for the night You look like shit

That's my punishment for being your friend

We're friends

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The swanky hotel was so clean It made you want to break something just so the employees had something to do

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How may I help you?

The clerk helping us was one of those douchebag types His nose pointed so high up, he couldn't even make eye contact Though that didn't stop him from staring at my chest Luckily for him, Atticus did all the blah blah blah

Hey, yeah, me and my wife would love to get a room for the night Do you have anything on the blah blah blah?

(...)

He always had a smile on his face while talking to strangers Said it made them trust him more or something(...) You're on the third

floor Enjoy

Needless to say, we had no intention of spending the night

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Once we were upstairs, we kicked it into high gear I raised a makeup compact slowly around the corner of the hall

Where did you get that?

Why? You need to powder your nose

You don't even wear that kind of makeup

That's cause I took it from the old lady I beat up earlier

You're gonna have to give that back

And you're going to have to shut up, I'm trying to get in the zone One of the bounty hunters sat in a chair down the hall guarding the door to a room

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I don't remember seeing his face at the briefing, must be a newbie Don't worry little one, I'll break you in(...) We've got contact

I'm surprised you can see anything with that thing on

The uncomfortable feeling of my own breath rolled down the clogged vents at the bottom of the mask This caused my eyes to fog up quickly I'll make Kyle customize it later

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You're just jealous cause Kyle didn't give you the mask

You caught me, what ever will I do without a fogged up smelly piece of plastic strapped to my face

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I'd later find out that the bounty hunter's name at the door was Zohar He was a newcomer, and left to guard the door while the rest of the men goofed around inside Probably just drinking and talking shit I slid out my freshly shaved leg around the corner and wiggled it like a worm on a hook Hey big boy, like what you see?

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Oh hey boss,(...) looks like we have an intruder

Happy that, we'll come check it out Super, thanks

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Good job Houdini, what's your next trick?

Plan B

That was plan A

I walked out into the hall spinning two gas canisters by their pho rings Boom, Tomah

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Instantly I was engulfed in thick, dark smoke The kind of expired military smoke that had been left in compressed canisters for a couple of centuries too long

(Coughing)

Atticus stayed further back and picked off two men who tried flanking us from behind

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Damn it

(Coughing)

They were not expected for fresh fire, which made their shots so fanted, they might as well have been shooting at each other Ah,

been shot in the leg Sorry, my fault

How have you been? Anyone home?

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I pulled another canister out and tossed it in the room

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Ow, my eyes

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Whoa Oh

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Back in the hall, the smoke still lingered as the men fought each other Not knowing the difference between a comrade and a crazy bitch

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A behemoth of a man named Makra stepped out He had no shot, camouflage pants, and gripped a turret machine gun in his hands

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Whether or not he hit me or his friends was of no concern Finally a good match I was about to make my way out into the hall when, without warning, a gift with love from Makra This was such a fun match Thinking I was six feet under, Makra advanced down the hall towards Atticus

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Hey, that fucking cheating man Come out, come out, wherever you are

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Trapped with no way out, Atticus turned around to see a fire extinguishing against the wall enclosed in glass An idea brewed

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The glimmer of metal in the closet caught my eye I crawled over to it on my hands and feet and picked up the box covered in dust

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Bingo Makra spotted Atticus's coat peeking out from the corner

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Amateurs, like shooting fish in a barrel

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Atticus cautiously peeked out from down the stairway

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That was my favorite coat

Atticus!

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I stepped on Makra's stomach as I made my way over Found it! I held out the black leather box with silver writing on top

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He pushed a button and the box opened What's inside? Money? Gold? Diamonds?

No, just...

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chocolates

Ten handcrafted gourmet chocolates sat neatly in two rows

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Gross, it isn't even sweet Who would eat that crap?

(...)

My head

Ah, a ghost!

(...)

Chocolates? You almost got us killed. For chocolates?

Finally, I can take these shoes off What

are you doing? Viddle is a food company. The very definition of Viddle means food The owner just happens to be a major jewel smuggler who enjoys hiring stupid bounty hunters as his personal carriers Sound familiar?

Sounds like a lot of bullshit

(...)

Kyle cracked a few more chocolates before he found a hard candy in the shape of a key There you are He flipped the box upside down and revealed a small lock hidden underneath

He pays the hunters a lot of money because of the expensive merchandise inside But they're just chocolates If someone were to steal it, that's all they would find And in danger, the handlers can always eat the key(...) But if you use the key to open the bottom, then you get rewarded with secrets Diamonds! Yep, here you go. I think you know what to do with this Atticus,

get your shoes on. Looks like we're going back out

No

(...)

(Music)

(...)

A group of mob goons lounged around the living room playing cards Pizza boxes and beer cans lined the walls of their smelly hideout Who

is it?

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Delivery

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Atticus held up the box of chocolates to show them it wasn't the six pizzas they'd ordered earlier

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Hey boss, is this for you? Ah, my delivery.

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Open it

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Hey, special delivery of chocolates for Anthony?

Yeah, that's me. But what happened to the rest of your crew?

We ran into a little problem

Problem?

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Well, I hope you don't expect me to pay for your inconvenience

(...)

Nope, now we only have to split it two ways I hoped you would try something stupid, like reaching for a gun or something What I wouldn't give to knife this guy

Hmm, okay. We agreed on cash, right?(...) Yeah On three. We'll hand it off at the same time

How boring

One, two, three

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Ah, jeez. Be careful, will ya? Shit's expensive

Nice doing business with ya I couldn't believe it. What suckers?

(...)

Well, gentlemen, after all this waiting,(...) it's finally here Feast your eyes on this

(...)

What the fuck?

(...)

These are all cracked and smushed back together

(...)

In place of the one I'd eaten, Kyle had substituted a small piece of coal

No, no, no

(...)

A note fell out from inside that read "Plants for the diamonds, dingus,(...) love, oblivion, girl"

(...)

That fucking bitch double-crossed me

(...)

I'll get you next time, oblivion girl